“Comparison is the death of joy” and an unhelpful thinking habit

I came across the quote “Comparison is the death of Joy” by Mark Twain the other day and was struck by how succinctly it captured what I frequently hear, and occasionally do. Consider the following ways that joy is killed.

The new mum

Comparison is the death of joy

The new mum gently nestles her beautiful baby boy in her arms. She gazes lovingly at her son, stroking his hair. He’s snuggled in a bunny rug, blissfully milk drunk.  She’s just finished breastfeeding him, happy to do so in front of me.

She dips her head away from my inquiring eyes. “He wakes more at night than my friends baby”. Continue reading

Enjoying a trip to the theatre as an act of self care

Seeing a play is one way that I revitalise myself. For me, a trip to the theatre is an act of self care and pure pleasure. I feel given to, with nothing expected in return. There’s a feeling of connectedness with the actors and the audience which I never get from watching a screen. As a psychologist, I advocate for self-compassion, self care, and connectedness, so it’s important that I walk the talk.  This weekend I indulged myself with two plays.

The Mathematics of Longing

Theatre as self care - The Mathmatics of LongingWatching the Mathematics of Longing at Brisbane’s Le  Boite theatre, I immersed myself in another world for an hour.  I love this smalltheatre in the round. It feels so intimate, and I intensified the experience by sitting in the front row.  A friend insisted that we do this at the last play we enjoyed, and, somewhat reluctantly, I acquiesced. Unexpectedly I discovered that I loved the closeness to the Continue reading

5 delightfully therapeutic TED talks to improve your mental health.

 

These 5 delightfully therapeutic TED Talks are perfect when your head is a cacophony of critical chatter or your brain barrages you with blasts of self-blame. Take time, less than 18 minutes, to listen to a voice other than your own which is, after all, just telling you a story that you’ve probably heard many times before.

All these speakers know how hard it is to be human and yet still inspire us to be better. Clients tell me these talks make you feel that you’re ok, even if you’re not perfect.  TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design) is a not for profit organisation spreading ideas in the form of powerful talks. Before you start listening,  scroll to the bottom of the post for some therapeutic listening tips.

1. The Power of Vulnerability

Let’s start with Brene Brown. Her first talk, The Power of Vulnerability, is one I’ve listened to many times and encourage most clients to listen to.  If you’ve ever thought your vulnerability Continue reading

Creating calm and safety in the counselling room

Image may contain: living room, table and indoorA warm welcome, a cup of tea, a comfy place to sit, beautiful surroundings, gentle music and the waft of fragrant oils.  We hope our clients experience a sense of calm and safety as they enter our counselling space at Little Window – Counselling, Psychology and Wellness. The house, with frosted glass windows, provides complete privacy and scatters a soft light through the rooms. A sanctuary and an inward-looking space. Ideal for reflection.

Created with intent

Image may contain: living room, table and indoorThe directors of Little Window, psychologists Thania and Christina, created this space with intent. They lovingly chose and positioned every item for the rooms and behind their artful decoration lies neuroscience. Their intention is to provide a calm and safe space, which helps interrupt the fight, flight or freeze response clients often experience. These responses begin in the amygdala, the area of the brain that processes memory, interprets emotion, and often drives Continue reading

Estranged mothers and adult children

woman sadIt’s Mother’s Day tomorrow in Australia. A day when many families come together to rejoice in the loving bond between mothers and children. A day to celebrate the blood, sweat and tears that ooze out of mothers while raising children. But for some families, it’s a day of heartbreak. There will be no bunches of flowers or boxes of chocolates. Adult children and parents can become lost to each other. That’s tough.

Those that choose to break the relationship with their parent or child, often see it as a move of self-preservation. For some reason, the family dynamics have gone awry and the person, unable to stand the emotional turmoil, chooses to leave. A broken attachment can feel calmer and safer Continue reading

Honouring the Psychologist’s Chair


The Psychologists ChairThe psychologist’s chair is unassuming and a bit dirty. The grey fabric is the sort chosen by manufacturers when they know that a chair will get plenty of use and limited care. It’s not particularly comfortable and doesn’t invite you to linger or rest, but it is functional. For the last six years this chair has been my constant companion, and it has steadfastly held my clients as they have wept, grieved, fumed, hoped, planned, dreamed and laughed. Never once did it falter.

As I look at the empty chair, waiting patiently for the next client, I am reminded of the courage it takes to sit in that chair.  Of my brave clients who come to meet a stranger,  sit, share what hurts most and what they hold most precious. Then they to come back and do it again and again until the focus becomes the future, plans are made, change happens and laughter bubbles.

Thank you chair, I will miss you and your twin that I sit on.